Category Archives for "Coaching"

Getting a J.O.B. is an investment not a sign of failure

business-money-pink-coinsDoes getting a J.O.B. mean you are a failure as an entrepreneur and business owner?

Twice a month I run group coaching and mentoring calls in the WOBS Plus Coaching and Mentoring and members can drop in at any time during the 90 minute sessions to ask for help on any topic in their business and this week was no exception with the variety of topics:

  • Self Value
  • Client boundaries
  • Creating a ring bound workbook and music DVD
  • Garage Band (music creation software)
  • and the stigma around getting a J.O.B – which is the topic of todays brief post.

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Examine and Challenge Your Beliefs

275H winnerHello again

This is number two post on the subject of beliefs (first one was a biggie all about the Formation, Function and Effects of Beliefs and probably only suitable reading for those of us who like a bit of background and research – my inner ‘nerdy geek’ likes to be let loose from time to time!)

This is a more practical one for you to get stuck into – and fab if you feel you are not progressing as you would like to be and sense you are holding yourself back. Might be time to ‘upgrade your thinking’.

Do you sabotage yourself with criticisms and negative mind chatter?

  • Do you catch yourself thinking you are not smart or good enough?
  • Do you think you don’t deserve good things or it’s too hard?
  • Are you over-sensitive about what others say or do?

You can start this change now by examining the beliefs you hold about yourself. Simply knowing what holds you back can make a massive difference.

You can do this by examining your beliefs, challenging some that are a bit old and dusty and have served you well and yes ‘developing’ new ones that are in line with and support your vision.

Of course, personal development work is easier when you work with a coach (I would say that!); but for those of you who know me, I’m all for doing as much as you can on your own – and when you keep on hitting the same old blocks – then it might be time to invest some more and book some time with a coach.

Have bash with these and do let me know how you get on.

1. Make two lists:

In the first, list all the positive beliefs you have about yourself, all the things that you are good at. In the second, list all the negative beliefs you have about yourself, the things you are not good at.

2. Positive beliefs about myself:

3. Negative beliefs about myself:

4.  Look at the list of positive beliefs and spend a few moments on each one.

Remember the positive things that happened to lead you to hold those beliefs and write them down …

5. Now look at your list of negative beliefs

Take the top three.  The ones that really hold you back.

Ask yourself:-

  1. Where did this belief come from?
  2. Who gave me this belief?
  3. How do I feel about the person that gave me this belief? Do I respect them? Are/were they always right? What is their history?
  4. What is this belief costing me on a daily basis?
  5. What will holding this belief mean for me in the long term? and what will that mean
  6. How will my life be different if let go of this belief?

Now write an opposite belief to the one you hold. For example if your belief is,

“I am too old to change careers to become a x y z”, you could reframe your belief to be, “This is the perfect age to consider a change and I bring to my new career my wealth of life experience to date.”

 Actively look for evidence to support your new belief. You will find it. Keep a journal and record your success.

My first new belief is:

My next new belief is:

Define your new comfort zones and self-talk and decide what action you are going to take.

My new comfort zones are:

My new self-talk is:

I am actively going to:

You may find it easier to print down the document and pin it up and add to it – Examine Beliefs worksheet

Our WOBS members use our Facebook group as a major part of their support and advice networks – and you too, can benefit from that help and support, by taking out a free one-month trial. Find out more & get your first month free.

Formation, Function and Effects of Beliefs

KNFMM9GXWI believe imageHi there

following calls with clients and many posts in the WOBS Club on this topic I thought I would add some resources for you to access and use.

This post is a long one which will suit those who like background info;  if this is not you then go straight to the more practical Examine and Challenge Your Beliefs

This first post explains how our beliefs are formed:
formation beliefs nlpWithin my own life and working with my clients; I have found that change is often helped along when there is more understanding how we develop problems in the first place.

Periods of development

Sociologist Morris Massey has described three major periods during which values are developed.

The Imprint Period (0 – 7 years)

Up to the age of seven, we are like sponges, absorbing everything around us and accepting much of it as true, especially when it comes from our parents.

During this time we absorb information without any analysis. We need to make sense of the world and without any analysis it can be easy for a parent to comment on a child’s drawing and joke that it is bad and for the child to take the meaning out of context and believe they are bad.

The Modelling Period (8 – 13 years)

Between the ages of eight and thirteen, we copy people, often our parents, but also other people. Rather than blind acceptance, we are trying on things like suit of clothes, to see how they feel.

We may be much impressed with religion or our teachers.

The Socialisation Period (14 – 21 years)

Occurs from the during the ages of 14 to 21. This is where we develop relationship and social values.

After the age of 21 core values do not change unless a significant emotional event occurs or effective coaching / therapy.

Normal values change and grow over time

Formation of Beliefs

Beliefs develop around our values. Beliefs and values have a very powerful affect on your life, because we filter all our information through them. Thus if you develop a belief such as “I am boring”, then your mind begins to only see things that confirm this belief.

As children who are we to contest or dispute that if someone says, “you’ll never succeed in life”, that they are not telling the absolute truth. Children can internalize these ideas and treat them as if they are reality. Each time they try to succeed the little internal programme, “you’ll never succeed in life” reminding them that they will never succeed and subtly affecting their behaviour in such a way that success eludes them. So as we go through these developmental stages we begin to form many beliefs around who we are, what life is like, etc. These internal programmes are constantly running affecting every moment of our life.

If you look at the diagram you can see that this leads to a cycle:

What we believe about ourselves forms our thoughts, this creates feelings and leads to behaviours which become habits – and hey presto confirms the beliefs we had in the first place!

The function of beliefs

The unconscious mind is the part of our mind which controls things such as growth/ repair of the skin, the dilation of the eyes etc. It holds within it our memories and communicates to us with feelings.

It is a very powerful part of our mind. It has been calculated that the unconscious mind deals with up to 2,000,000 bits of information per second. The conscious mind on the other hand can deal with 134 bits per second which translates to 7+ or – 2 chunks.

Your unconscious mind runs your body and your life

Your conscious mind is about 10% of what you are aware of day to day.
Your unconscious mind is the remaining 90% that you are most often not aware of.

Your unconscious mind believes your negative mind chatter

Taking these figures, it is obvious that the unconscious part of your mind is a very powerful part.

In order not to overload the capacity of the conscious mind, the unconscious mind filters incoming information. The filters that it uses are beliefs, values, memories etc.

The Effects of Beliefs

Beliefs filter the incoming information available to the conscious mind. They act like blinkers that restrict information, blocking out any that is contradictory. They are the mind/ bodies underlying programmes and have a powerful effect on your life. They influence your behaviour often without you realizing it.

But beliefs are not set in stone, they are changeable. When you think about whether you believe something you are merely checking whether you have a feeling of certainty that it is true. Changing a belief that limits a person in their life can have a very powerful effect right across the board. So if a person has a very powerful limiting belief such as, “I’m not worthy”. The potential impact of no longer believing this is great.

How can you change beliefs?

There are many techniques that can change beliefs very quickly, these include, NLP-submodality belief change; NLP- Timeline Therapy; EFT, NLP- reframing, hypnotherapy.

Do you sabotage yourself with criticisms and negative mind chatter?

  • Do you catch yourself thinking you are not smart or good enough?
  • Do you think you don’t deserve good things or it’s too hard?
  • Are you over-sensitive about what others say or do?

You can start this change now by examining the beliefs you hold about yourself. Simply knowing what holds you back can make a massive difference.

Identify what rules you apply to your life and how well they serve you –these are the beliefs you hold about yourself and this is the area of your life where you may be limiting yourself for no good reason other than you hold a belief ‘you cant do that … because …’

Next post: Examine and Challenge Your Beliefs

Our WOBS members use our Facebook group as a major part of their support and advice networks – and you too, can benefit from that help and support, by taking out a free one-month trial. Find out more & get your first month free.

 

How Balanced is your Life?

Everyone knows that having a balance in life is important because we can be more content and more alive and really enjoy what we are doing.

The Wheel of Life activity below is a simple and very effective way of showing us how our life is balanced at any particular time.

Wheel of Life Part One

1. Identify 8 (ish!) key areas of your life. (brainstorm a number of issues or key areas in your life that are important for you and choose the 8 most important.)
You could choose from:-

  • career/work
  • personal development and growth (whatever that might mean for you)
  • friends and family (or even into two separate areas)
  • partner or significant other
  • financial
  • spiritual life
  • physical environment (where you are living, how you are living)
  • fun and recreation (this crops up almost as often as career)
  • health and vitality (also crops up almost as often as career)
  • emotional well being
  • social life

2. Now score each area of your life out of 10
10 = you are totally satisfied with this area of your life
1 = where you are less satisfied
If you are very satisfied with an aspect of your life, it would be 10 and if you are less satisfied it would be 1. So, every area of your life is going to be anywhere on that scale of 1-10.wheel web

3. Plot your scores in a blank ‘wheel’ CLICK HERE,  your result shows you the degree to which you are satisfied with your own level of balance in your life. Which are your low spots – the areas you are least satisfied with?

Wheel of Life Part Two

1. Now draw a circle around the first circle and for each segment take some time to think what a ‘10’ would be like – you are starting to look at your goals. For example if you have a segment for ‘Fitness’ – be a little more specific. What would a ‘10’ actually mean for you? Running a marathon? Attending a gym class twice a week?

  • What are you doing that tells you this is a ‘10’? What are you hearing, seeing, feeling that tells you it’s a ‘10’?
  • What do you really want?
  • Because we tend to get what we focus on, you need to ensure any goals you set are stated in positive terms. For example, if you want to be less stressed, turn it round and say you would like to feel relaxed, calm and at peace etc

It’s so easy to lose the sight of a balance in our lives and this exercise very quickly raises awareness. Now for some ‘quick-wins’ to get you motivated; go through each segment and ask yourself what needs to happen to get closer to the ‘10’, and what do I need to do? Write down what you could you do in the next 24-48 hours. What will you do first?